#Go Sammy it’s your birthday, we gon party like it’s your birthday…..#

That was of course a slightly edited version of the 50 Cent classic, In Da Club.

So a few posts ago, I did 50 facts about myself and I thought I’d milk that particular idea and do another to celebrate my Birthday, only problem is that my life isn’t exciting enough to warrant another 50 facts. So I’d thought I’d get you lot to do some work and ask me a bunch of questions that I’m going to answer like some sort of weird guy whose being questioned.

Right let’s get this started then:

As a tech fan, and tech follower. In the realm of gadgets and gizmos of course, What’s worse than people who take pictures with an iPad in public places?

Probably people who have a handsfree headset plugged into their phone but still feel the need to hold the mic to their mouth, defeating the purpose of having a handsfree.

If you could Reboot yourself movie franchise style, what would you change?

I’d get someone more handsome to play the main role.

When do you get laid?

When I can find a chick who literally has no standards.

What’s the thing you are mostly proud? And the thing you are mostly ashamed?

Mostly Proud? I think whenever I get told that I’m funny or that my blog is hilarious, I feel most proud. Even something as simple as someone laughing at something I’ve said or done.

Most Ashamed? I once got involved as a 3rd party in a love triangle by disclosing some information to one of the ummm points of the triangle at the request of another point of the triangle that would hurt the 3rd point of the triangle’s chances of getting together with the umm first point of the triangle…or some shit like that. Don’t worry I’m confused as well.

Doner kebab?

With extra chili’s and chili sauce, yes…..or sometimes on a pizza.

What’s the most amazing thing you have ever eaten and also what is the most disgusting food u had?

Most amazing, hmmm probably at Bodeans when I have a 1/4 piece of chicken, ribs and pulled pork with fries. Amazing!

Most disgusting? There’s this Indian sweet called Magas which tastes so good! However it has an evil twin brother that’s really bitter. It taste foul! Yet all the grown ups love it and say it’s good for your blood. Probably because you’ll never eat magas again, just in case it’s the evil bitter version.

When’s your birthday? Ok no seriously.. Can you touch the tip of your nose with your tongue?

Unfortunately ladies I cannot. Whilst my tongue is wicked it’s not long enough to touch my nose.

Is cheese better sliced or grated?!

Ahh this old chestnut, they both taste different imo and neither is bad, I’d have to say I prefer grated though!

What would you do if you was a woman for the day?

Naked + Mirror, also go to local gym and just stay in the changing rooms/showers all day. Oh and I’d probably try to learn what it is exactly that women want.

Do you think love is cursed by monogamy?

I think love is cursed by a lot of things, yes monogamy is one of those. However I believe the way society tries to portray what love is, is also a curse in itself. We are sometimes told to find someone who is financially well off, has a good education, from a noble background. In some ways, love can often be manufactured. Maybe we just need to step back take a look at ourselves and just have one big orgy.

How many swags do you have?

69

xxnx or pornhub?

Pornhub for sure, they have a better mobile version of their site too…although that only allows you to watch 5 videos a day rather and if I’m bored I’ll need more than that. Also if we look at which site has more hits we can see that my choice is clearly the popular one, as made evident by this graph that shows how many unique visitors both sites got for 2012:Compete graph
As we can see from the graph Pornhub managed a monumental 33,299,919 unique views in a year compared to Xnxx’s 15,306,467 just under half of Pornhub’s total unique views for 2012.

Do you remember why?

Of course, because why not?

Or what or when?

It was because I don’t like being boring and it roughly happened around the time I finished secondary school.

Maybe even how?

People often mention to me how funny I am and so after a while I started to believe them.

Should Marijuana be legalised?

If it stops all the potheads online from clogging up the interwebs with facts and figures about how weed causes less damage than alcohol then sure. Honestly you’d think that for people into weed so much, they’d be more chilled. Sheesh!

When was the last time you did exactly what you wanted to do?

Today when I wanted to go for a nap and did. It was lovely.

What were you like as a child?

Apparently I used to piss and shit myself a lot at nursery, I guess I was just as relaxed then as I am now (although with better bladder and bowel control now). My family tells me I used to throw up a lot and once took a shit under a sofa.

If a bartender named a drink after you, what would it be called and what would be in it?

Awesam Brownie.
Recipe:
Brown Sugar
Sambuca
Chocolate Brownie

How to consume: Lick a spot of Brown Sugar, take a shot of Sambuca and finish it all off by eating a Chocolate Brownie. Call your doctor for a diabetes test the following morning.

If you could change one thing about your self what would it be and why?

Ah this old question, tough to answer as it requires one to really delve deep into one’s mind. To step back and take a look at yourself in a metaphorical mirror to see the true reflection of your personality as well as your own physical self, to find that one thing that you want to change about yourself. Such a task can take years before an answer is finally reached.

I would change my sweat into men’s fragrance.

Which one is better, cheese and onion pasty or sausage roll?

Sausage Roll yo! Or if I’ve got a hankering for heart complications, a sausage roll INSIDE a cheese and onion pastie.

You’re in Vegas…you win a crap load of money…but you only have 3 options as to what you can do with it, what do you do?

1) You and only you can stay in the best suite Vegas has to offer, pimped out with everything you can imagine and more.

2) Go to a strip club or a club with all your mates but you can only spend your money there.

3) Give it to a charity of your choosing.

Hmmm interesting choices, I wouldn’t do 1 because I’d probably just spend the entire time jumping on the bed with nothing but a robe on eating ice cream and pizza whilst with music blaring from the awesome sound system the room will no doubt have. 2 is the more likely of the choices because sharing is caring especially with friends. I’d imagine going to a strip club would be the fastest way to drain your money and because I’m Indian, I’d like to make that money last so I’d go to a club instead, buy out the bar and just go mental.

Whoopie Goldberg, Susan Boyle and Kerry Katona…fuck one, marry one, kill one.

Hmmm Marry Whoopie Goldberg (interesting fact, whilst watching her movie ‘Jumpin Jack Flash’ there’s a scene where she’s instant messaging someone and she writes “I don’t give a shit about the queen”. That was the moment I learnt how to spell “Shit” as a child.)
Now I’m guessing you can all guess what the next two would be right? You’re right, I’d kill Kerry Katona and fuck Susan Boyle.

If you could give a wedgie to someone who would it be and why?

I’ve actually spent about 10 mins trying to think of someone and I can’t so I’ll just say, myself. Because why not?

What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever eaten?

I once put a gherkin on a chocolate biscuit because I like both, so logically they’d taste good together….it wasn’t bad.

If you had to choose between your trainer collection and your video game collection what would you save…only one survives?

Oh you evil person! I’d save my game collection though, I have a few that are just classics to me and they’ve bought me so much joy that to have them taken away for good would be pretty shitty. I also have a few rare ones that are almost impossible to find and some that are signed as well that are irreplaceable…I’m starting to understand why I haven’t gotten laid now.

What would you do.. If there was no Cake in the world?! Dun dun DUNNNNNNN

A life without cake is a life not worth Kipling..I mean living.

When are you getting married? When n where?

When I can find a girl who somehow finds my ramblings tolerable/entertaining. When that happens the wedding will be on April 1st probably and it’ll be held in a packed out cinema whilst everyone is watching a filum.

What is your favourite meat?

Man meat! lololol but seriously, PIG! Because you are what you eat.

Because you’re Hindu…will you marry a Hindu woman?

After consulting the Hindu manual, yes.

Why the beard?

Because this:

535426_10150787938241138_2024487686_n

“Oh man look at this sexy beast”

Looks better than this:

223544_10150234380541138_1828979_n

“Oh man look at this beast! HE HAS ONE EYEBROW!”

“What is it about your brother that stops you from killing him? and can you kill him for me please?”

Without him I’d have no one to point and laugh at, at home. Many the time I’ll walk past his room and tell him to shut up, even if he’s sleeping, because it just needs to be done. Therefore I cannot kill him.

Are you the oldest sibling?

I am indeed, I’m actually the eldest of all the children on my Mum’s side! Meaning my younger cousins unfortunately have me as a role model. Oh dear.

Are you a slob?

IMG_20130208_134604

Are you a clean freak?

See above.

How many pairs of trainers do you have?

IMAG1349

Do you think you’re funny or just strange? If so why do you like making other people laugh?

I think I’m both. Making people laugh is I dunno, fulfilling. Being told you’ve just cheered someone’s day up is amazing. All I did was say something stupid or do something silly and it’s made someone go from feeling like crap to being happy. JUST IMAGINE THE HAPPINESS I COULD GIVE IF I HAD ACCESS TO TV! Yes my ego is that big.

Phew! Well people, thanks for all the questions. I hope the answers were enough and if they weren’t well that’s just tough turds! OK bye.

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