Awkward times. Upon reflection they make for amusing anecdotes, tales to share with friends and what not. They make you think back through your life and think ,”Fuck, I’m such a loser..also I sound American by using the term ‘Loser’ oh well”.
Gather round as I list off three awkward moments from my life that I’ve had the unfortunate pleasure of experiencing.
The Restricted Field of Vision Moment
This is one applies to the shy people out there and yes that includes me. Let me draw you a little diagram of a scenario on say, a train:
As you can see, from this highly detailed and not at all shit diagram, my field of vision is vast! The entire train is available for me to fest my eyes upon. However, what happens when we add a hot girl to the scenario and seat her near me. Well this happens:
As you can see my field of vision has been extremely restricted to basically whatever is in front of me. Why? It’s down to that bastard thing called, being shy. See I can’t look in her general direction in case our eyes meet and then the awkwardness kicks in even more! Now I know what you’re all thinking “First of all Sam, that fucking diagram is amazing, second of all, why can’t you just look out the window?”. Ah well that’s simple, see windows are reflective, if I stare out the window, THE HOT GIRL WILL THINK I’M STARING AT HER REFLECTION LIKE SOME WEIRD STARING PERSON!”, of course in reality she won’t think that, unless she’s up her own arse, but of course the mind of an idiot will not realise such a thing.
The Tears of Conversation Moment
Ah this is an annoying one. Only an issue to people who aren’t openly perverted or like that one guy in all 18 rated buddy movies, whose just openly filthy about everything, his cock, his arse, girls, girl’s arses, girl’s cock, you know just loud and has no shame. This issue occurs when talking to a lady whose cleavage is on display, a man’s general natural reaction is to just look, but you can’t do that to a girl you’re talking to, it’s just rude! So what happens when you’re in such a situation? Well this picture will basically show you from a first person perspective notice where all the focus is, that is how things are seen from my eyes.
As you can see all vision is focused clearly on the eyes, this leads to my eyes being fixed onto her’s, I can’t even blink, in case my glaze instantly snaps down to her cleavage. Which leads to tears forming. So what you’re left with, is a girl talking to me whilst it looks like I’m crying. So much awkward.
The Rock, Paper Farewell
God I hate this one so much, I’ll sum it up with a rage comic.
This happens way too often and it leads to some awkward farewells. I often try to be normal and use a handshake as a farewell rather than using my fist like some sort of BEAST LIKE CREATURE!
Anyway those were three of many moments I’ve experienced and I hope to god others have as well because that will actually make me feel a little bit better about myself, till next time. SHUT UP!