Right, tomorrow be Valentine’s Day, based on all the “OMG who needs someone on Valentine’s Day” or “I don’t need anyone for Valentine’s Day” posts and stuff. Anyway I got bills to pay and so I’m offering up my services for tomorrow to anyone who would like to exchange cash for said service.

£10. Get a barrage of Valentine’s Day texts from me, to your phone all day.
£20. One 5 minute phone call where I’ll pretty much talk like I’m from some filthy RnB song.
£30. One 5 minute video call where I’ll wear a shirt and tie and just chat about whatever you want (I’ll be seated therefore what I’m wearing waist down, is down to me)
£40. I’ll bring you a rose and one of the following of your choosing, Snickers/Mars/Twix/Fudge/Two Finger KitKat/Some Fruit.
£50. We’ll go for coffee.
£60. PFC meal, no candles. (£65 for PFC meal WITH candles).
£70. I’ll meet you at work in front of your friends and start crying at how beautiful you are and then whisk you away for McDonald’s (we will travel via London Transport services to the nearest McDonald’s, if there are none within walking distance)
£80. The above but instead of McDonald’s, Pizza Hut.
£90. I’ll write you a poem.
£100. I’ll make you dinner at your house. Dinner can be chosen from the following list:

  • Beans on toast.
  • Grilled Cheese Sandwich
  • A packet of crisps
  • Some cheese string.

Now please keep in mind that demand is likely to be high for these services, so remember, first come first serve. The £10, £20, £30, £40 and £50 packages are available to many, however the £60 onward packages are only available to 1. If anyone purchases any of those packages, all others in that range will no longer be available as they will most likely take up the rest of my evening.
If demand is high enough I’ll extend these services till the end of the week or even month.

Please send all enquiries regarding these services to me on Twitter, or in the comments section below. I look forward to your custom ladies!

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