Everyone can thank Jay for this post, but don’t thank him for the hilarious title, I came up with that all by myself, so thank me for that. Payment of thanks can be given by form of the following:

  • Money
  • Food
  • A cat
  • Alcohol
  • Sharing my blog with others
  • Following me on Twitter (Actually this is more of a reward for yourself, I’m hilarious you see and having me in your life in some form is actually good for you.
  • All of the above.

So I guess I should get started eh? Remember everything listed is 100% fact, if you don’t believe any of the below then go FACT YOURSELF!

1. I’m Awesome.

2. I’ve killed a man….at Super Smash Bros Brawl.

3. I have a lot of high tops.

4. My mum wasn’t happy that I put my entire collection of shoes on my bed.

5. This happened once upon a time:

6. I was a vegetarian for 10 years.

7. Animals fear me because I no longer am a vegetarian.

8. I once spent all morning queuing up to meet Shigeru Miyamoto, the dude who created Mario!

9. Most of my days off consist of naps.

10. Chased a shot of Bacardi 151 with Absinthe and survived.

11. I drank tea for the first time in ages today, it made me sleepy

12. I do that thing where I check my phone to look busy when alone in a crowded place.

13. Once when I was younger, I ate every flavour of McCoy’s that were in a variety pack we had at home. I felt like a champ.

14. I’m overweight.

15. I’ve been mistaken for being, Black, Mexican and Mauritian.

16. A drunken guy once told me I look like Kanye West and then proceeded to sing “Drop It Like It’s Hot” by Snoop Dog.

17. I once tried to drunkenly spark a conversation with two girls whilst on holiday in America, they then proceeded to claim my accent was fake and then referred to Craig David the one hit wonder. I would have felt depressed if I didn’t find the whole encounter hilarious.

18. I will spend an entire day cleaning my desk, only for it to return to its previous state within a week.

19. I met Charles Martinet, who voices Mario:

20. I want to try stand up comedy.

21. I had a cat for around 18 years, when she was put to sleep I cried all day.

22. I found out a while back that I’m now allergic to cats. I’m convinced my cat put a curse on me when she died so that I’d never replace her.

23. I miss my cat.

24. I contemplated voting for BNP to be “Ironic”, common sense kicked in and I ended up not bothering to vote.

25. I’m halfway done with this.

26. I met Quentin Tarantino.

27. My beard actually hurt a girl’s face whilst she was hugging me.

28. Stayed at the main Pyramid Stage at Glastonbury 2008 for 5 hours just to get a decent spot to see Jay -Z perform.

29. When I was younger ET scared the shit out of me.

30. I actually do like the Katy Perry song ET.

31. A girl once told me to tell her a story when we were out for drinks, I started to waffle on a bit then she grabbed my head and pretty much started to eat my mouth. I would have been mad about being interrupted if my tongue wasn’t so busy.


33. I actually really enjoy writing these blog posts but absolutely hate trying to think up something worthwhile to talk about in them.

34. I’ve been to many concerts in my time including Korn, System of a Down, Linkin Park, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Odd Future, Chester French, Childish Gambino and Spice Girls.

35. Once had a quadruple shot espresso chased with half a can of redbull, that was the quickest year ever.

36. A customer once gave me a bottle of champagne for always helping her out. I immediately bragged about it to all the girls at work who used to get crappy flowers and chocolates.

37. Guys who wear skinny fit jeans annoy me, but nowhere near the level that guys wearing Uggs do.

38. I hate people who come to talk to me when I’m on lunch and I’m watching something.

39. Sometimes I prefer to travel alone just because I want to listen to music on my iPod.

40. If I call you Boo Boo Kitty Fuck, it’s special.

41. My phone has a notification light for when I have messages, meaning I don’t have to wake the screen to check for a notification…..I still do.

42. Met Dan Le Sac and Scroobius Pip, asked them a totally relevant question.

43. Was at work once talking to my mate when I spotted Scroobius Pip walking past my store, I told my friend to “Shut up talking” and proceeded to run after Mr Pip and talk to him.

44. I reread my old blog posts/YouTube videos because I really do find myself to be funny.

45. I like portraying having a massive ego to piss people off.

46. I really enjoy making people laugh.

47. Finding a girl who can make me laugh, enjoys vidja games and Scott Pilgrim vs The World, isn’t easy. Then again if everything was easy, life wouldn’t be fun.

48. I like to think I’m a really deep person but in reality I just use big words and keep a straight face.

49. I don’t consider myself intelligent, I just know how to pretend to be.

50. I’m finally done! Thank fuck!

Well thanks for reading all that, it’s taken me all fucking day to write this blog post, so ya’ll better love it!


One response »

  1. dude. spice girls? talk about breaking the stereotype! lol brilliant post. the title alone made me laugh x

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