Remember when you couldn’t wait to get old because it meant you could drive a car, drink alcobooze, smoke cigarettes, ruin Christmas by relapsing on drugs, have a bath standing up, go to the pub and order something heavy like a Shandy or maybe even do the sex?
Now think about now, when you’ve done all the above and think “I don’t want to get any older”.
Yep the other day I got my first white hair on my head! The ones on the beard have been around for ages but that’s because I’m wise and my beard is more manly then 16 men.
Still, when people find a grey hair they start to freak out, me? I smiled. Why? Because I’m getting old and that means some pretty awesome times ahead! You see being old has its big advantages such as:
- Being rude to everyone without fear of being questioned.
- Being openly racist and having people make excuses for you like “Oh well he’s from a different time”.
- Being able to tell off ANY child for being a child, and then have the child told off by its parent for bothering you.
- Fart anywhere and at anytime.
- Sleep anywhere and at anytime.
- Make the simplest of things seem stupidly difficult and annoy all those involved in trying to help me.
- Win any argument even if I’m chatting complete and utter nonsense purely because I’m older and thus am entitled to respect.
As you can see lots of advantages there! Also I’ve now taken to calling my self ‘Silver Fox’ on account of my hunky looks now being upgraded to George Clooney esque levels of good looking. I mean look at Mr Clooney himself, dude is 51 and is currently dating Stacy Keibler whose 32! 19 years difference for fuck sake!
I say bring on them golden years, the little stuff like making a noise when getting up and actually sweating because getting dressed is too strenuous is just a minor inconvenience.
OK I’m old and tired of trying to drag this post out longer. So ummm bye.