Annnnd I’m back! Needless to say when someone reads my dead blog and during which they feel the need to relieve themselves all over themselves as they believe that to be the best form of appreciation, you basically feel the need to snap out of your laziness and start-up the blog again to see if you can get someone to cover themselves in their own feces because of how fucking awesome your post is.

Also I’ve had a few friends of mine going on at me telling me to start up my blog again and to be honest I really do want to continue doing this, just the effect involved in actually thinking is rather taxing. Ah well, here we go!

So, how’s everyone doing? Good! OK enough about you! I’m going to talk about myself now because, well it’s my blog and my ego is bigger then the biggest willy in the world!

Well it’s been a full year since my last post, which was about that time I went out to play the Nintendo 3DS before it was launched. Well since then I’ve bought one, built up a small amount of games for it and now it’s collecting dust happily on my desk of filth.

I can’t actually remember most of the year between then and now, probably because of my heavy drinking and that time I was in a coma and that time I fell over and knocked my head against the floor so hard I was able to briefly taste colours.

I do remember going to Las Vegas last month to celebrate the day I exited my mother’s womb and made the world a little more awesome. That particular trip was rather eventful to say the least, I drank a lot, I ate a lot, I gambled…a fair amount but needless to say I didn’t resort to having to offer sexual favours in exchange for money to fuel my gambling addiction because I didn’t get too sucked in (PUN INTENDED).

Vegas did open my eyes to a few odd sights that left me scratching my head. See I was situated on what’s known as “The Strip” the main part of Las Vegas with the big time Casinos/Hotels. During the day you’d find family’s out and about sight-seeing and apart from the massive hotels all over the place there were a few interesting sights to see, BEHOLD!

Remember that classic Disney cartoon that Minnie Mouse featured in where she put on some trainers and drank beer in the day time, and expected tips for doing such a thing? Remember when she got so drunk that she started selling her body to pay for more alcohol? Classic memories!

“Mummy Mummy! Why has Garfield got a massive hole in his wrist and why is it all black inside?”

“Well Timmy, it’s because Garfield hit the shit and was forced to live out on the streets, things got so bad for him that he let people piss on him in exchange for some Lasagna, which explains why his fur is yellow and not the usual orange that we’re used to seeing. After a while he got so sick of life that he decided to end it by taking his own life and cut his wrists. However that didn’t work, for he was already dead inside and instead of blood and guts, there was only the darkness of a black soul, which had consumed his once pure, innocent heart! No light shall ever reach him nor will come from him, he is a mere shell of his former self……”

“This is the worst Birthday ever Mommy!”

“Hahaha I’m not even your Mommy!”

Right where to begin? First of all as a gamer, Nintendo would never lay off Mario for fuck sake! If they did it may be because he fucking spelled “Nintendo” wrong! The fuck is “Nintedo”? It’s like one of those cheap arse Chinese rip off consoles that have a million and one games built into it but in actual fact it’s really just a collection of 20 games where each level is broken down separately and considered a game! Also why is his mouth that shape? Well it’s because he is so used to sucking off gentlemen for money that his mouth has cramped up into that shape!

On one of my walks around Vegas I stumbled upon…

And finally (click on the picture to see it properly) :

Vegas where your mind, body, soul, wallet, diet and childhood can all get fucked!

Well I hope ya’ll enjoyed my return I just hope I can actually continue this blog again based on the awesome feedback I’m expecting to get! If any of you are on Twitter please do follow me like a stalker:


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