I managed to get an invite for a special “Pre Launch Event” from Nintendo. Basically it was a small little event set up for joe public to come and experience the 3DS. It was an interesting event to say the least and I left with some rather interesting opinions as well.

I arrived at the venue about 20 mins early, walked up to the lovely lady handing out wrist bands and she happily gave me one, after checking my name on a register. Good start yeah? NO! The wrist band was one of those fucking annoying shitty ones with the SUPER STICKY shit on it. “Oh but that’s good! That means the wrist band stays on properly” I hear you all say…in my head. NO! That shit is fucking awful if you have a stupidly hair wrist! “Oh but how hairy can your wrist be?”

So yeah, needless to say a bit of the sticky side of the wrist band got caught in that forest of hair that populates my damn wrist. After trying to tear away most of my hair from that fucking strap, we were told we could enter the venue. Upon doing so, we where welcomed by a lovely blonde who asked for our print out invites with the barcode. After I flashed my phone with the email on it, she said “Oh don’t worry it won’t scan just go ahead”. Awesome. Unfortunately I didn’t take a picture of her, sorry. “Oh thanks, so we get a picture of your hairy arm but no picture of a hot blonde?”. Yes.

After a while 2 women appeared from behind a black curtain to introduce us to the event. Basically they were reeling off marketing spiel about the 3DS. General stuff you could have got just from visiting the site!

Anyway after some stuff about Street Pass, we were moved to another room were we got to experience…..

So yeah after that, we were moved into another fucking room and what’s this? No 3DS’s just a blank room. So we’re waiting at black curtain and what the fuck happens? A random hot chick dressed as a shitty Lara Croft comes out to tell us that she’s Claire Redfield, accompanying lara cr- err I mean Claire, was Chris Redfield who for some reason decided to be British. They were here to inform us that apparently the T-Virus has been spread instead the venue….. although in only one little room, it seems that none of us nor Ken and Ryu were effected. So we were lead into the next room with Chris complete with Shotgun that didn’t once get used,  what we got was a poorly lit room which just happened to have a small part of a villiage in it, we saw an old lady wondering around aimlesly, a guy in a shed who couldn’t be bothered to open it properly and instead just peeped out whilst trying to grab us and finally a man with a sack on his head and none functional chainsaw.

We finally escaped and were lead into YET ANOTHER ROOM WITH NO 3DS’s! We were treated to a video of Jonathan Ross verbally jizzing over the 3DS and FINALLY we were lead into a room with a fuck load of 3DS’s playable. So I wondering in looking for something to play, and woman approached me and said “Would you like to play Dead or Alive?”, my thought was “Fuck no! Take me to Zelda or Street Fighter” however my mouth said “Yeah sure!”.

Anyway enough of the bullshit story, lets get down to my impressions:

Dead or Alive 3D: Runs smoothly, graphics are very impressive for a handheld. As for the 3D, it’s works! IT FUCKING WORKS! WITHOUT GLASSES! ALL THAT MARKETING SHIT WAS REAL! Ahem but yeah it works awesome but it’s not exactly needed.

Pilotwings Resort 3DS: Yay I’m flying around…in 3D.

Resident Evil The Mercenaries 3D: Started playing as Hunk, good stuff, impressive graphics, There seems to be a button for taunting which is fucking pointless as shit as far as I’m aware. It literally stops you in your tracks and you can’t do SHIT whilst the taunting animation is playing meaning the enemies can come up to you and rape you. I also played as Claire whose character model was sporting a pair of “Batty riders”, awesome stuff considering it’s a 3rd person shooter…..in 3D.

Unfortunately cos I spent the majority of my time playing DOA, I didn’t know there was another room to go to and we were shushed away to there. This room was to show off more of what the 3DS can do without games.

Augmented Game: Really cool, just place down a special card and something will happen. The one I had bought up random targets that I had to hit by actually moving myself round. After the targets were gone, you have to fight a little dragon boss.

Face Raiders: No it’s not a porno game, despite blatantly sounding like one, I’ll be honest, this game gave me the biggest smile…..which may be down to the name. Basically you can take a picture of someone, or yourself. Then the camera displays what’s in front of you of course but places a game on top of it, the aim of the game is to shoot these little floating faces of the pictures on the game. I decided to take a picture of myself and use it. The game even animates the faces when they get hit or get angry, it’s actually really funny. It gets odd when you have to shoot yourself in the face before your face shoots balls at you from your mouth…..ummm yeah.

I managed to get back into the main room, and tried to hunt down Zelda or Street Fighter, I stumbled upon Kid Icurus which I completely forgot about.

Kid Icurus Uprising: Wow! It looks so nice on the 3DS it makes the other games look like standard ports (Which most are). You can tell this was one of the first games in development for the 3DS. At first I thought the control scheme would be fucked, as you have to use the stylus to aim, the Slide Pad to move Pit and the L shoulder button to shoot. However it really works!

That’s pretty much all I played. I hope you weren’t expecting super detailed hands on cos fuck that! You’ll note that I haven’t really spoken too much about the 3D aspect of the 3DS. Basically from what I played, it all looks awesome, sure you can’t really look at it from different angles and on some games you need to have the handheld in front of you properly. The 3D slider plays it’s part well and the transition from 3D to 2D is smooth as super wet shit.

However I don’t feel like I was blown away by the device. Sure I didn’t play Street Fighter or Zelda which I’m more interested then any other game I played today. The bottom line verdict I got from the hands on was that, if it wasn’t for the fact that I have a fuck load of vouchers to use to get the 3DS for almost nothing, I would not be picking one up at launch.


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