As a new year approaches us, like bailiffs will soon be approaching a lot of houses to collect money from people who can’t pay their bills and shit. It makes me reflect on the last decade and beyond and dwell on how things have changed a lot. This is dangerous because it makes me think and when that happens, well it usually ends badly.

I remember when I was a child and things where a whole lot different back then. Halo? Modern Warfare? No back then we had Super Mario Bros and Sonic (when he was good and not utter bullfuckery like now). I remember my uncle had a NES and me and my bro used to love going over and standing in his room whilst he watched TV and shit trying to ignore the fact that we both burned holes into the NES cos we couldn’t stop looking at it cos we wanted to play it. Ironically his two kids do the exact same thing to my with my 360 and ps3 and wii, a vicious circle! We weren’t that smart back then though. Now a days my cousins will stand in my room asking me questions about my consoles and shit that I really can’t be arsed to answer. After a while they’ll go down stairs and ASK MY MUM if they can play on the PS3, of course my Mum is like, “Yeah of course” and BAM they get to play! Why couldn’t I of been that smart back then?

Probably because my mind had been rotten away by SWEETS! Glorious SWEETS! Remember when Blue meant SALT & FUCKING VINEGAR and Green was CHEESE & PISSING ONION? What the fuck were Walkers thinking?

I also remember the time when Snickers was called Marathon. Fuck knows why they changed it to Snickers, sounds like a kinky pair of women’s underwear or something……there’s a joke in there somewhere about nuts and caramel but I’ll leave that up to you.

Smarties! Back then there was no bullshit about the blue ones being fucking some sort of child killer, man back then we ate blue Smarties and lived to tell the story of them…via a fucking blog. Also the Smarties back then came in cardboard tubes with the plastic tops that you could pop out and shoot at people when you’d finished. When you’ve popped the top, you could stick the tube on to a Cat’s legs and watch it walk like some sort of robot.

Finally, I remember when fucking penny sweets, COST A FUCKING PENNY! Not like now when you need to get a mortgage to get some fucking Cola Bottles.

That’s enough reminiscing about the past! Time to think about the future….and weep.

Till next time, here’s an old school cat!


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