So I went to Glastonbury this year(3rd Glastonbury in a row for me! POW!) had a pretty fucking awesome time. Apart from getting a fucking tan! Brown people don’t need to get any more browner. We’ve got enough problems as it is, what with all the hair and stuff.

I met up with a mate for lunch who decided to tell me that I looked Sri Lankan, if it wasn’t for the fact that my mate was a girl, they could of got a clap round the ear’ole! Instead they got lunch….fuck.

Anyway enough of the drastic adventures of my skin. Back to the topic at hand.

Music festivals are generally pretty damn awesome, I base this on only attending two. Glastonbury and Wireless(which is more of a day out surrounded by Londoners). However, both have a very fatal flaw, each one has an abundant amount of idiot cock heads in attendance.

It’s always the ones that feel the need to get as pissed and high as possible to the point where they are an general annoyance to everyone around them that grind my gears. They just enjoy screaming at the top of their lungs to the point where your actual ears are crying or bleeding as it’s also known. They always seem to be the cunt standing besides you or behind you.
I really don’t understand what it is that they get out of it. Yesterday I was tempted to turn around and punch the guy doing this in the throat. That’s right, it was a guy! A girl wasn’t fucking stupid enough to start screaming at the top of her voice like the witch from Left 4 Dead would if someone had rammed a pineapple up her arse. However this guy did. One day when I no longer fear getting the shit kicked out of me, the next time someone does this, I’ll threaten to make them deep throat a cactus or something.

This leads to the next type of shit tit, to annoy me at a festival. The one who is always looking for a fight. Those are the turd burgers that feel the need to just barge past people in crowds, you know the one that will just aggressively push past you, so that they can get closer to the stage, they won’t even, ask to get past, they’ll just move you out of the way. It’s times like that, that make you wish you were in charge of the selection process that decides who gets to carry on using up oxygen on this earth.

Another type that annoys me, are those fuck tard groups of friends who are pricks no matter were they are. The kind that’ll seriously make you think twice before you go sleep in your tent, for fear of not waking up again.
I remember, we had a rather rambunctious group near our tent area at Glastonbury, this year. They decided to take random objects that they had purchased or probably stole and dump them in a massive heap, near there camp site. What next? Well they set it on fire of course. This pile had everything from, paper cups, plastic bottles, chairs, wood, someones soul oh and they also decided it would be fun to throw an aerosol can in it to. Now I don’t usually read stuff written on bottles but to be honest the sign that shows a big flame on it, would generally indicate that I should avoid having this can near any sort of extreme heat. Unfortunately this sign was lost in a sea of words that must of said “OMG THROW ME IN A FIRE, YOU’LL BE SO COOL AND PEOPLE WILL THINK YOU’RE SUPER COOL TOO!”. The coolness lasted for about 3 mins before a Steward arrived to give them a ear full. They all looked like idiot kids who got told off for throwing shit at each other in class, whilst a shitty substitute teacher from Australia tried woefully to calm them down, and the head teacher had to come and sort it out.
These are also the same cock mongrels that seem to thing that the guide lines on tents are there to be tripped on. Now, at night time, I can kinda forgive people for tripping on them, but in broad day light? Jesus man, how do these people cross the roads safely?

I feel I must end this soon, before the rage builds up and I cut off my Glastonbury wrist bands and shit on them, and then post them to Michael Eavis, but only after making sure the letter gets sent  via an alternative route via the entire world, as to bump up it’s carbon footprint!

The last bunch of waste of sperms I wanna talk about, are ones that were around in big numbers at the Wireless Festival on Sunday. It seems that when you go to a music festival and can’t deal with waiting for the main act to perform, the best thing to do, rather then have a chat with your mates, is to hurl bottles at people. Excellent fun eh? Even more so, when more people do it, and then the people who get hit, get pissed off and retaliate even though they don’t know who threw the damn thing to begin with. I mean a lot of beer got thrown around and some were full to the top, and whacked people full on in the face! I mean wtf is wrong with these people? Talk about a waste of alcohol! Those bottles were like £3.50 each! Why waste all that money? If you’re going to throw it, at least wait till it’s empty or something! I found it quite funny to be honest, seeing people with their heads down, like they were bracing for impact whilst pretended they were on a plane featured in Lost or something. Still it’s people who throw good booze away that annoy me! There are homeless people in the streets, who would do ungodly things to get a nice cold beer or cider if you’re a Grade F Tramp, and yet people in London were throwing it around like it was piss….which to be fair, most of it, probably was.

Anyway, that’s enough for now, here’s something:

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One response »

  1. […] It’s a reasonable blog, his. I am delighted that it has introduced me to the delights of Jodie Prenger. But why oh why did the author not take mention the axles of Eavis when he wrote about the Glastonbury festival? […]

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