There’s a lot of things I’ve learnt in life, things that will no doubt aid me as I get older, here’s a quick list:

1. When you’re young, you can’t be rude, moody, racist, and annoying. However it is expected.
2.When you get older, you’re allowed to be rude, moody, racist, annoying, because it’s expected.
3. When you try to be productive, you usually can’t do it and end up doing fuck all, example: Writing a Blog.
4. If you wear your jeans, half way down your legs, you’ll be considered cool, despite looking like a complete retard.
5. If you want to lose weight whilst on holiday, well I have the answer….

You see I discovered a few things when I went to India about a year ago, despite being brown myself, people from India KNOW you’re not from India. The second you give money to one poor person, a million others will follow you asking for more money.

The most important thing I learnt though was one that I had to experience myself. That would be how to lose weight. It’s pretty simple you see, all you have to do is eat the local cuisine. Simple eh?

Well no. You need a strong heart and a weak stomach to get through this. You seen Indian food can be a wonderful thing. It can provide you with a taste sensation and also a painful rear end.  I was force fed some ice cream at a wedding. That’s another thing about Indian people, they will force feed you food and the only way to get them to stop, is to eat whatever the fuck they offer you.

So Ice Cream, can’t be that bad can it? Fuck no, tastes great and is the perfect thing to eat in the hot climate of India, btw what the hell was God thinking when he decided to make us Indians hairy as hell then put us on one of the hottest countries in the world? Anyway back to the Ice Cream, it basically destroyed my insides to the point where I couldn’t eat anything and yet that didn’t stop me from having super mega ultra diarrhoea! If I tried to eat anything, I would vomit that shit up as well. Tis a hard picture to imagine, lucky for you lot, I’ll make it easier to understand:

Not a pretty sight eh? However because of this illness, I wasn’t able to eat properly and the result? Apart from almost missing my flight back home due to excessive shitting and vomiting, was that I lost quite a bit of weight!

Now ladies, I know what you’re thinking, that’s filthy and shit. Well keep in mind, there are millions of you who inject more shit into yourselves then crack heads do with crack. So what’s a little shitting and vomiting gonna do? Well it’s gonna do this:

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See! That’s proper results right there! I mean come on, it’s on the Internet so it’s going to be true right?

Well that’s enough free advice for today!

Here’s a cat that needs the Indian Ice Cream diet!

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3 responses »

  1. […] Mark? What the bloody hell? I’ve been going India since I was two, I’ve experienced a lot of stuff in India and met a lot of people. I have never met anyone in India called Mark. It doesn’t end there […]

  2. […] to people, I can barely get through it without…almost dying of laughter before its completion (My friends liquid poo adventures). It isn’t that I’m a cruel heartless barstard. But when you’ve been at the receiving end of […]

  3. […] I honestly believed I might die and how my predicament bore noticeable similarities to a friend’s tale of food poisoning woe. Every time I tell my friends story (I do hate him) I laugh hysterically and perched over the […]

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