And so it comes to this

Well here we is, end of the year. I honestly didn’t think that I would be writing this as I didn’t plan for this blog to carry on past a week, which if you read my first ever posts, you’d know why.

It’s been fun writing these posts, it’s been a pain in the fucking arse thinking of stuff to write about though. There were times when I’d write a few paragraphs only to think “Good lord this is shittery!” Then a few days later I’d think of something funny or something interesting that could be easily mocked and exploited for a funny blog post, would happen in my life, then BAM New Post!

Sometimes I wish I could update more often and it’s not down to being so lazy that I once made my brother phone the home phone when he called me on my mobile, cos I couldn’t be arsed to get out of bed to tell my parents to pick him up, but because I simply can’t think of stuff to write.

I’d like to say that next year I’ll work harder on improving the quality and frequency of my posts but we all know that’s bullshit.

Anyway I guess I should thank you all for bringing my total views to 2,462 across 34 different posts. I dunno if that’s good or not but I’m happy with it. I’ll put it on my CV.

I’d like to thank a few people for always being on my case about updating my blog more often, be it cos they’re bored or cos they want something to read during lunch. So, many thanks to Priya for bugging me on msn, so that her lunch time consists of more than just a sandwich. Also thanks to her, I got my first proper fan, which I’m chuffed about. “A proper fan? What are you on about now you dick?” Well this blog was mainly read by my mates, so when someone from outside my circle of friends read and loved my blog, I would count them as a proper fan. Some of my mates like my blog but then they’re my mate, they’d say anything to keep me happy, they deceitful bastards!

Errrr moving on, I gotta thank my mate Sam, who loved my blog to the point of actually showing it to a family member without fear of being associated with someone who photoshops cats and writes crap.

Also Soumya who once said to me “I was fascinated with your blog” until she noticed a bird outside and deemed that to be more fascinating.

Even my mate Dave who is one of the hardest people to please said “Your blog is win” which is like getting one of the Dragons from Dragons Den to say “This is amazing! I shall invest the full amount” to a guy trying to sell dirt to a fucking hobo.

However the biggest thanks goes to one person. To be honest if you like my blog you need to thank this person too. You see if you read my first ever blog post, you’d remember that I didn’t want to do this blog, because I didn’t think people would read it. However this person thought otherwise, so I said I’d write a blog for 7 days and decide what to do after that. That was fucking 10 months ago. So yeah I guess there were right.
So Agoo, you were right, I was wrong. I guess I can’t win them all. You thought I had something worth sharing and people would enjoy it and I guess they did, that or you were sick of me chatting shit and decided that if you had to hear it then other people should suffer too. Either way, thank you!

Right this is my last post of the year, and this post has been way too wussy. Next time, things go back to normal!

Oh before I finish this! I’d like to thank fellow bloggers:

http://joshuagoodwin.com/ – He allowed me to do a guest post

http://xthemusic.wordpress.com/ – He also allowed me to share my own brand of written diaherra!

Other blogs to check:

http://martialloh.blogspot.com/ – The most pointless blog apart from my own, seriously he only uses it to post codes and shit for he’s animation work.

http://jayquilla.wordpress.com/- A mate I’ve known unfortunately for over 10 years, the silly tit is currently working in Peru, read his adventures and laugh, or cuss…mainly cuss.

http://emotionalpie.blogspot.com/ – One for the ladies out there, a fellow work mate, she’s very wise and is basically the complete opposite of me, ie she actually makes sense!

Well that’s it! See ya when I can be bothered!

Merry Day Off and a Happy Same Year.

So it’s that time of year again when every shopper turns into a cunt. THAT advert bombards our screens. People put their minds and wallets to maximum stress to get the perfect gifts for people, TV Channels will show all of the mentioned, The Santa Clause, Nightmare Before Christmas, one if not all Wallace and Gromit eps etc.

Now as I’ve grown older, the magic of this time of year has diminished to the point where I look forward to it as I get an extra day off work. As such the 25th of December is now known as Day Off Day, and I fucking love it. It’s the same as every other day off, but this time, I get presents and a big arse dinner. I remember when I was younger, the excitement of waking up on that day would be madness, it would probably be the only non work day of the year that I’d be up as early as possible, so that I could open my presents.

However as time went on, seeing those random gifts wrapped up didn’t make me spaz out as much as I used to. Here’s a break down of how presents affected me during the course of my life.

0-2 years old: I didn’t know wtf was going on, I got to shit myself and have someone clean me up whenever I wanted, that was bliss. Anything else was a bonus.
3-7 years old: Give me TOYS!!!!!!!! What? Clothes? Fine whatever
8-14 years old: WTF is with the clothes? A jumper? WTF do I need a jumper for? Can’t fucking play with a jumper for fuck sake!
15-18 years old: Man that book shaped present better be some sort of DVD Box set or super limited edition (but never is) computer game.
19-24 years old: Urgh stop waking me up at 9am to open the damn presents, they’ll be there when I wake up at 12pm so I’ll open them then
24-onwards: Ummmm so these cards and socks you got me, can they be used to pay off my mortgage? What’s that? They can’t? Oh I see. Cos I thought the point of presents was that THEY WERE MEANT TO BE FOOKING USEFUL!”
Onwards-just before you die: FFS SOMEONE KILL ME!

Of course I’m grateful for all the gifts, they’re free and I’m brown so yeah.

After all the madness of this day, the only major event to look forward to is New Year’s Eve/Day. Two things happen around New Years, a lot of people will flip a coin to decide weather they want to keep the baby that they conceived during New Years Eve/Day and a lot of people will say/post there fucking annoying, generic, predictable never gonna happen, resolutions for the new year.

If you don’t know what I’m taking about here’s a few examples:

“I ain’t letting anyone take the piss any more, people better watch out from next year”
What this actually means is “Umm did you want 2 sugars with your tea and doughnut?”

“From now on, I’m gonna make things happen. This year will be all about me”
What this actually means is “Hmmm I wonder what’s on TV at 1pm in the fucking afternoon?”

“Watch out people, this year I’m gonna be making waves! WATCH!”
What this actually means is “hello? ex-excuse me, can anyone hear me? he-hello”

Here’s some advise people. If you feel as though your life is shit or you need to change yourself, don’t fucking wait till New Year, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT NOW YOU FUCK WIT! If you’re strong enough you’ll do it, if not, you’ll ignore my advise and end up like one of the above examples. Either way, part of you dies a little, and the world keeps on spinning.

Oddly this probably won’t be the last blog post I do, of the year. I’ll probably do some sort of soppy “Thank You” post to my readers, all 3 of you. So yeah, um stay tuned!

Anyway! Next Year! I’m aiming for the big time! Doing the opposite of what I do when I write my posts, sit down. Then who knows, maybe you’ll see my brown face on the telly….2010 Is GONNA BE MINE….yeah!

BTW If you can’t see the comedy in that, re-read the post and try again, if you still can’t figure it out, please direct all questions to this:

Hmm I’m thirsty…

Ironically I remembered that I wanted to make a post about this particular subject whilst drinking some Pepsi Max…so not entirety surprising. Now when I saw this advert first the first time, it caused me to become a bit confused at the subject. I admit I have a problem of over analysing things to the point where I ruin the actual point of them. It’s a curse but it at the same time I get to ruin a lot of things for a lot of people so let them suffer to.

Anyway one to the subject at hand:

Where to begin? Well the start would be a good fucking place eh?
Now I understand the first guy going in is meant to be a set up, but as an interviewer I would have probably asked him to leave before he even sat down. Why? Because he has a fucking Pepsi Can with him! Who the fuck BRINGS A FUCKING CAN OF PEPSI to an interview? Fair enough, have a can BEFORE have 10 for all I care. Don’t bring the actual can with you, and certainly don’t put on the fucking desk of the interviewer for shits sake! This says more about the Interviewer then it does the guy. What kind of company is this?

Anyway so, the “set up guy” decides to go all Fight Club and beat himself up whilst screaming and shouting. Now unless he is able to fall without hurting himself this is all very pointless, I’m sure he could have thought of a better way to get everyone to piss off like, walk out of the interview and say something like “That man just tried to rape me” or something like that, but no. Instead he knocks himself around the office destroying things, possibly traumatizing a bunch of fucking fish. Whilst the interviewer looks on like a retarded chimp. If that was me, I would have battered him anyway. Then I’d call security and explain that the guy is a moron and needs to be sectioned.

At this point we see a guy get up and leave like a scared pussy and others leave like dumb sheep, the remaining candidates stay and don’t bother to call the police OR EVEN HELP! All these people are cunts as well, and don’t deserve to get a job they are so rightfully being scammed out of. After some more self harm that’ll make an emo look like a jolly cunt. The set up guy eventually throws himself out of the room and runs off, along with all the other job applicunts, bar one. Who looks on at the interviewer with a smile that makes him look like a simple dick. Cut to the end where it is revealed that the whole thing, surprise surprise was a scam. The grinning tard chimp leaves the building with a smile and we see the set up guy along with the pussy guy waiting for him to see if he got the job, which he does. Cue them celebrating with a can of Pepsi and dancing to some hip hop song that they can’t actually hear which makes them mental.

What does it say about this guy that he needs to scam a bunch of people to get this job? That company has employed a trickster and fraudster…of some sorts. What a prick.
However what sort of company allows their interviewer to let a moron beat himself up during an interview and do sweet fuck all about?
My theory? It’s all one big insurance scam. The company will claim on a bunch of shit from that office, probably make up some shit and get some fat cheque, in return they employ a group of guys to make it all seem “believable” and offer a job to that guy to make it all look legit….I didn’t say it was a good scam.

Moving on, to the second and thankfully final vid for me to pick apart:

*sigh* OK so this guy is chatting up this girl and she ain’t impressed. Cue a guy getting tentacle raped by an octopus and the guy runs off to save him, complete with a full arm cast. He grabs a massive umbrella that opens up and doesn’t at all hinder the speed at which he is travelling. He then jumps at the beast and stabs it IN THE HEAD with the umbrella. Pretty awesome stuff.

Then he carries the rape victim back to the beach where no one at all bothers to help and he walks past the girl from the start and has time to trick the girl into agreeing to a date later, then takes the guy away where once again it is revealed that the whole thing was a scam. Good fucking lord, these guys have no shame. So to get a date, they get a fucking massive octopus costume complete with movable tentacles that can OPEN CANS, how much did that fucking thing cost? All that just to get a girl? She must be the bestest girl ever.

The girl! There’s one thing I noticed about her in this advert. At first she seems like a bit of a bitch, at the start the guy seems genuine and she looks at him like he uses live puppies as shoes, the stuck up bitch. Then when he saves that dude from rape, she looks at him with a smiles and shit. Silly cow, so it takes someone to perform a random act of bravery by stabbing a creature in the head which to be fair, if it were real, we wouldn’t know of that guy was provoking it or something, I mean at the end of the day the ocean is its home, when someone trespasses that home, well their gonna get raped. In the end she deserves to be going out with a scam artist, I hope they scam her out of all her money (of which she probably have a lot of, working in a fucking drinks hut on a beach) and in return I hope she gives him an STD!

Right I’m off to finish the rest of the Pepsi Max we have. Man that shit is refreshingly good, Maximum Taste, No Sugar goodness in a bottle!

Am I old enough to use the term “Back in the Day”?

As a new year approaches us, like bailiffs will soon be approaching a lot of houses to collect money from people who can’t pay their bills and shit. It makes me reflect on the last decade and beyond and dwell on how things have changed a lot. This is dangerous because it makes me think and when that happens, well it usually ends badly.

I remember when I was a child and things where a whole lot different back then. Halo? Modern Warfare? No back then we had Super Mario Bros and Sonic (when he was good and not utter bullfuckery like now). I remember my uncle had a NES and me and my bro used to love going over and standing in his room whilst he watched TV and shit trying to ignore the fact that we both burned holes into the NES cos we couldn’t stop looking at it cos we wanted to play it. Ironically his two kids do the exact same thing to my with my 360 and ps3 and wii, a vicious circle! We weren’t that smart back then though. Now a days my cousins will stand in my room asking me questions about my consoles and shit that I really can’t be arsed to answer. After a while they’ll go down stairs and ASK MY MUM if they can play on the PS3, of course my Mum is like, “Yeah of course” and BAM they get to play! Why couldn’t I of been that smart back then?

Probably because my mind had been rotten away by SWEETS! Glorious SWEETS! Remember when Blue meant SALT & FUCKING VINEGAR and Green was CHEESE & PISSING ONION? What the fuck were Walkers thinking?

I also remember the time when Snickers was called Marathon. Fuck knows why they changed it to Snickers, sounds like a kinky pair of women’s underwear or something……there’s a joke in there somewhere about nuts and caramel but I’ll leave that up to you.

Smarties! Back then there was no bullshit about the blue ones being fucking some sort of child killer, man back then we ate blue Smarties and lived to tell the story of them…via a fucking blog. Also the Smarties back then came in cardboard tubes with the plastic tops that you could pop out and shoot at people when you’d finished. When you’ve popped the top, you could stick the tube on to a Cat’s legs and watch it walk like some sort of robot.

Finally, I remember when fucking penny sweets, COST A FUCKING PENNY! Not like now when you need to get a mortgage to get some fucking Cola Bottles.

That’s enough reminiscing about the past! Time to think about the future….and weep.

Till next time, here’s an old school cat!

Tis the season to be tarded.

It’s that time of year again, when people go crazy and kids spaz out at the TV advert for the latest super mega fun-fucking-tastic game/toy.
That’s right It’s Jesusmas err I mean Christmas.

See children are generally stupid, and if  their parents are smart and not idiotic old people, they’d be able to get through Christmas without forking out shit loads of their hard earned cash on the latest toys and thingy whatsis.
Younger child and a few, less mentally developed kids believe that Santa is real. Parents generally do the whole “Maybe Santa will get it for you” bullshit, meaning that the parents now have the option to get it for the child or not. If not, then fuck it, blame Santa, that jolly fatty, that chills (pun INTENDED) all year around feeling his fat arse grow as he becomes one with the sofa. The kid will end up disappointed but fuck it, they’ll blame Santa the non-existent marketing phenom.

Now if your child is old or smarter, the Santa shit just won’t fly. So you gotta tell them like it is, “I ain’t got no money for your damn PS3, so either get a job and buy it yourself or make do with this vintage PS1 that I found in some alley”. If the child is lucky than maybe their parent(s) live off welfare, in which case, fuck you and enjoy your fucking presents seeing as my tax money paid for them!
Note: I don’t hate all people on Welfare some people just can’t help being utter lazy fuckwits and enjoy getting free money for doing absolutely sweet FUCK ALL!

What always amazes me about Christmas though is the amount of people the decide to wait till the absolute last fucking minute to do all their shopping. I have to work during Christmas Eve and I can pretty much be sure we won’t be closing on time because we’ll have a few customers who decided that shopping on Christmas Eve will be the best time to do so, they’ll probably come 15 minutes before closing too. Then spend 30 mins wondering what the fuck to actually get. Of course some people may be delaying the buying of presents till boxing day cos of all the damn sales, which is pretty smart. I mean why the fuck go mental getting presents in time for Christmas when instead if you wait ONE EXTRA FUCKING DAY, you’ll probably get most of the stuff you were gonna get, cheaper? See! Not just an awesome blog but one that can help you save pennies! I should have my own fucking show, dishing out financial advise man!

As crazy as working during Christmas is, it can be equally crazy after, especially after everyone has unwrapped their gifts and had time to go batshit crazy over them. The worst times is when someone comes back with a faulty product, it’s bad for 2 reasons, 1. The person got a faulty gift during Christmas which is a bummer and 2. People think that because of this, they have the right to treat the seller as fucking Nazi’s that paid a visit to their house during Christmas and shat all over the family.
I’ve heard stuff like “He was so gutted cos you gave us a faulty product”. Now this line always annoys the shit out of me. They say it like I intentionally gave them a faulty product. Yeah that’s right, in my master scheme to ruin your Christmas I gave you a faulty product that I made faulty myself, but oh no! In my haste to ruin your Christmas I didn’t think of the fact that you’ll just COME BACK AND COMPLAIN ABOUT IT!
It’s like when a customer buys a really cheap product, they sometimes ask me “Is it ok? Does it work?” WTF? Why the fuck would we sell something that we KNOW is faulty, of course it’s fucking ok! I often tell customers that our products can be exchanged like for like or refunded if they are faulty within 28 days, to which I get “Why? Is there something wrong with it?”. Sometimes, I wonder if I should just refuse to sell them the product as I deem their intelligence to be unworthy of operating it.

I would be awesome if all the retailers in the UK just went on strike for the full month of December. It’ll piss off a lot of people but the chaos would be fun…..till I realise that I need something of course.
Right on a totally unrelated subject, skinny people that can eat and not get fat, stop that shit! It annoys us fatties!

Clubbed

Being a young man (Yeah shut up), I’m expected to be out and about all the time, in the clubs of Central London. NO! I’m not a big fan of clubbing, and to be honest I’ll only go if it’s for a mate’s Birthday or something.

You see I hate clubbing, because of the shittyness around it:

1. Queuing up for ages to get in
2. Paying a stupid price to get in
3. Paying stupid prices for drinks
4. Shouting at people standing next to you rather than talking
5. Air con is generally non existant

Just a few things there. However it’s the politics around it as well that makes it pointless. The whole fuckery around it when you’re out with the lads and you wanna go to a club you get bouncers telling you that you need a few girls in the group to get in. Now most guys go to a club TO GET GIRLS, if I fucking had a girl I wouldn’t be pissing about in your fucking club. I’d be at home with her playing Wii (and not that’s not some sort of innuendo…unfortunately)

“But dude why don’t you have any female friends”. Well that’s simple really….fuck off.

Bouncers are also a major issue sometimes, they’ve been bestowed with a power that seems to allow them to be super cock heads. Some can be pretty cool, I remember a time when me and my mate went to NYC and we went to a little Bar called Rudy’s, the Doorman there was pretty awesome, he talked like he was some sort of hardcore rocker, and he also likened my mate to a hybrid of Jamie Foxx and Popeye, this would of course be funnier if you knew my mate. Oh well. The point was, he was a cool guy and didn’t hassle us. I don’t have issues with all bouncers/doormen, just the ones that are prick monkeys.

So let’s say that you’re lucky enough to get into the club, you’re now met with a sea of people (depending on how good the place is) meaning it can be a bit tough getting to the bar to get a drink, when you eventually make your way through all the people and risked possible molestation, you get then treated to more abuse, wallet rape. That’s right I hope you have a good job or recently won the lottery or just mugged someone, cos you’re about to get mugged too. I recall a Disaronno + Coke costing me just under £10. That was when I decided it would be best to discontinue my need of beverages. Which would be tough seeing as it gets stupid hot in there as well. 100’s of people all dancing and rubbing up against each other or standing still and bopping your head if you’re a guy with no girl, can generate a lot of body heat. Not only did I lose a lot of money but I think I may have lost some weight, due to all the damn heat!

However it’s not all doom, I mean you got your mates with you! At least you can bust a few jokes with them and whatnot! Then again unless your mates have mastered Sign Language that’s gonna be a bit tough.
You know when you go to a club and it’s really loud and you’re chatting to someone, you say something and the other person is like “WHAT?” and you repeat yourself, and they do that “Yeah….” awkward smile thing? Where you know they still didn’t hear you, but they don’t wanna make you repeat yourself again and again. Gotta love that. I think next time, I’m gonna ask someone if they like to hump lambs, just to see if they say “Yeah…”.

I’ll leave you with something that my friend said when we entered a club recently. “You know what’s bad about having a girlfriend? You gotta be careful where you look……..”

If only I could make girls moan like this…wait no.

Sometimes it’s good to have a bit of a moan, it stops you from going fucking bat shit crazy. It also helps you to make a blog post as well.

Today I’m going to list a bunch of things that annoy me to the point that I have to bottle them up until I feel as though I have enough material for a blog post.

I’m gonna start with a biggie, one that annoys me every bloody week, it’s the unstoppable retarded bohemian juggernaut of annoying fuckery, X Factor.
Each year this madness descends upon us with the same predictable format.

Start of the Series:

Loads of auditions which primarily involve people with the mind of a foetus being told they have “it”.
Cue them auditioning, making people lose hope in humanity, then getting verbally ripped to shreds by a man with tits and whatever bint needs to further her career.
Allow the odd pond life to go through to the next round just for laughs.

Middle of the Series:

Separate the shit from the meh/potential winners, cue sob stories that involve one or more of the following factors:

1. Dead friend/family member
2. Dying friend/family member
3. I’m poor
4. I’m bullied and have been told that I’ll never amount to anything
5. I live on my own and don’t want to die on my own a loser.
6. If I don’t win, all my family will be taken from me and sent to The Lost Island.
7. All of the above.

Final part of the series:

Facebook being updated every fucking 2 secs with fucking opinions about shit that has just happened on the show. WEEK IN AND WEEK OUT!
Someone eventually wins and somehow this gets them a number 1 single for X-Mas, then an album will come out and after that, never be heard of again, unless they appear of the “Line Up” on Never Mind the Buzzcocks.

Rinse and Repeat till you get boring and tired like Big Brother.

Now let’s move onto this advert that, that bothers me a lot. Now after looking for it on youtube, I noticed that it was used in another country, so maybe the dialogue was different and it got changed when it came out over here, although it doesn’t seem that way.

 

Now, what the fuck is so funny about that? The dude says "You took the last Magnum Mini Again" to which the smug cow says "No" then they both laugh! What the shit man? It doesn't make me want to go out and get Magnum Mini's it makes me want to find a girl whose either anorexic or fucking lactose intolerant.

One more thing that annoys me are people who "Like" there own status update on Facebook. Fuck man, talk about an ego boost. That's like me sitting here, laughing my fucking arse off, at how hilarious this post is...........

Shit parents, the fuel for failure.

Since the dawn of time, parents have cared for, protected, spoilt, praised and loved their off spring.

Then a little thing, called modern times came along and shat all over that. Gone were the times when children would fear and respect their parents, were a quick raising of the back of a hand would result in instant fear and obedience.
If such a back hand was raised now a days it would probably be met with a fist to the chops.

How did all this happen? Whose to blame? Society? TV? Movies? Rap? Rock? Pokemanz?

Well the answer could be yes to each of those, depending on each individual case. One factor that contributes to the children of today being total shit monkeys are parents.

See I’ve noticed the way parents treat their children, not just at work but everywhere. What follows are examples of such:
Ignorance is Bitch:
The kind of parent who has fine tuned the art of ignoring a crying/whingeing child. Probably one of the worst kinds of parent around.
Many the time I’ve been at work with a packed store with people wanting to be served, shittying in store music blaring out the same tunes day in and day out, and to top it all off, a crying fucking child. For some reason the parent is busy looking around for a fucking phone to purchase, rather than tend to the crying needs of their spawn!
Customer’s would rather piss about choosing between a fucking £5 phone and a £10 phone, whilst their child battles with a dog or summat.

 

Be the best that I tell you to be:

The pushy parent that has planned out their child’s life before the fucker even had a chance to figure our where it’s arse is.
The kind of parent that expects only the best from their child, which to be fair, isn’t a lot to ask. However when they shit over any achievement that’s slightly less than perfect that’s when it gets a bit ridiculous.

 

See parents like this are even gonna toughen up their kids to the point where they turn into a cunt like their parents, OR their kid will turn into a hateful bastard and take it out on everyone. Maybe the terrorist’s of today had bastards for parents………………

Oh well at least your parents didn’t allow this:

Bringing you and awkward times together!!

Phones are an interesting invention, they help people communicate with each other all over the world and shit. They also cause untold amounts headache and social awkwardness.

Let’s delve into this because I have nothing else to do this evening.

I recently changed back one of my older phones because it had a better camera then my newer one, odd I know but meh. There were a lot of numbers on the new phone that were not saved on the sim, so when I went back to my old phone there were a few contacts that didn’t transfer over. This little issue didn’t really dawn on me until I got a text from someone who knew me. I was unable to guess who it was. “So what? Why just text back and ask?”, good question, here comes the shit answer, I basically replied back to it without asking who it was. Why I did this, I’ll never know. Needless to say they text back from time to time, and I never bothered to ask who they were. This is highly retarded as the longer you leave it, the more difficult it gets to ask them. What can you do? Text them back all of the sudden and be like “Excuse me, mystery person who I’ve been texting over the last month or two, but who are you?”.
It’s like when you meet someone and they get your name wrong and you don’t really notice it, after a while you’ve got someone calling you “Terry” when your name is “Abhimani Aponaptir Dvadasatman”.

There are also times when you use your phone to get out of awkward situations in life. For example, if you’re sitting around with a group of people who all know each other and you don’t. You could pull out your phone and pretend to be checking a text message or playing a game. This also works when you are left alone with someone who you don’t really know. For example if you meet up with a mate and their partner, and it’s just the two of you, there can sometimes be some awkwardness, some people can just have a conversation and be done with it. Others however cannot do this, which can lead to you saying something stupid like “Sooooo……you’re banging my mate……what’s that like?” You know you won’t be getting invited to many nights out with them again.

Anyway, that’s enough for now! Here’s a cat jacking yo mins!

Oh yeah I forgot I had a blog.

So a friend of mine reminded me that I had a blog. Cheers for that P, now I have to sit here and try and think of something amusing to write for the pleasure of all 3 of my readers out there.

I have an ambition in life to do some standy up comedy, this is mainly because my friends tell me that I’d be good at it. After a while you start to believe the hype that you actually are funny. Of course this could just be a trick to get me on stage so that they can all boo me and make me look like an idiot.
I always imagine what it would be like to deal with a heckler, at a show. Sometimes they can come out with some pretty wicked stuff that the comedian simply cannot come back from. If I were still a child I could just always reply with “Your Mum”. Somehow I don’t see how that would work when dealing with an adult though.

OK I’m really struggling to come up with something else to write now. I’m off work for a week and a half and therefore I’m in total lazy mode! This alone as taken me about 30 mins to write! Oh well. Till next time people.